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Rejoice?

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; 
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 
1Thessalonians 5:16-18

 Always.... All... Really? Surely not!

 I got the diagnosis of Gestational Diabetes last week. I know it isn't a life-threatening condition. I know all traces of it will most likely fade as the babies emerge. I know I can produce healthy babies even in the midst of it. But... I don't want it! I've had six full term pregnancies with no hint of GD, and I don't want to be constrained by what I can and cannot eat. I don't want complications and blood draws (needles!!). I don't want labels that make me feel unhealthy. 

 But... When I reached for my list of things to give thanks for, the only thing I could think to write was Gestational Diabetes. Not one other thing could I shake out of the pen. Or perhaps I couldn't because I actually refused to write GD there. I wasn't thankful for it. I resented it.

 But... I want to be able to thank God for it. I want to put it on the list so that I can watch Him redeem it in His inexplicable way. I want to display an open hand that receives everything as a gift - even the things I don't understand. I felt to put it on the list meant that I had to know why I was thankful for it. That I had to have the hindsight now. I told myself I'd write it there one day... Later... When it made sense... 

 But... if I am truly living with the trust that He will make ALL things beautiful, that ALL is grace because all can be redeemed, that if I have not lost Christ I have lost nothing, then can't I write it now? Do I truly trust? Isn't writing it now displaying the faith that He will use it? Won't I be more likely to see Him work if I expect it, instead of holding back as though He might not come through?

 I didn't write it. But I will. And I will trust.

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